Yes Minister 1

1. Open Government
Open Government is our first glimpse into the inner workings of the Department of Administrative Affairs. The Right Honorable James (Jim) Hacker MP (Minister of Parliament) has just been given the department after his party has swept to power in Britain. He is a politician’s politician and he is soon to meet a civil servant’s civil servant. From here the ride will get a little bumpy as political agendas and bureaucratic red tape collide head on.
2. The Official Visit
When the leader of an African country is killed in a coup, his successor, who is an old friend of Jim's, comes in his place. They negotiate a £50 million deal to help buy oil exploration equipment.
3. The Economy Drive
im Hacker is determined to reduce the Civil Service, but he is frustrated by Sir Humphrey, and the only numbers he can alter are the numbers of tea ladies.
4. Big Brother
When the Government is planning to introduce a national database, Jim wants to bring in safe guards, but Sir Humphrey stalls until with some help from the opposition, Jim gets his way.
5. The Writing on the Wall
A rumor starts that Jim's department is about to be axed. So with help from Sir Humphrey, they try and defeat the Prime Minister's plans.
6. The Right to Know
Jim faces rebellion at home and in the office over the removal of protected status from a badger habitat, while he tries to circumvent Sir Humphrey's efforts to keep him ignorant of things.
7. Jobs for the Boys
Jim goes on radio to support the ‘Solihull project' a Government,union,and private enterprise building scheme, that he has inherited from the last administration, but unknown to him the project is close to bankruptcy, Sir Humphrey hopes to save the deal by offering a ‘Quango' to the director of the bank involved.

Yes Minister 2

8. The Compassionate Society

When Jim learns that a brand new hospital still has no medical staff, but hundreds of civil servants working there, he proposes that half of the civil servants be sacked and use the money saved to open wards with medical staff.
9. Doing the Honours
When Jim learns that he can block civil servant's honours, he blackmails them into cutting their budgets, but when he hears that he might be in line for an honorary degree, he has to back down.
10. The Death List
When Jim learns that when in opposition he was bugged by the Secret Service, he decides to bring in legislation to curb the bugging. However, he finds out that he is on the death list of a group of terrorists, and the best way to find them, is by bugging phone lines.
11. The Greasy Pole
Jim has the chance of creating jobs,and saving a chemical company, when they are offered the chance to manufacture a highly dangerous chemical, but when the news gets out that it might be too dangerous, he has to back down.
12. The Devil You Know
When Jim is betrayed by a Cabinet colleague over his plans to bring in jobs for British workers, he thinks about leaving Westminster and becoming a European Commissioner, But when Sir Humphrey learns who his replacement will be, he tries to change Jim's mind.
13. The Quality of Life
Sir Humphrey uses Jim's promise to keep a popular city farm project open to get special permission for an additional nine floors on a proposed skyscraper.
14. A Question of Loyalty
Jim and Sir Humphrey pass the buck to protect each other when they appear before a select committee investigating charges of waste in Hacker's ministry, until Jim's higher loyalties are called upon.

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15. Equal Opportunities
Jim decides to promote more women to high civil service positions despite Sir Humphrey's opposition.
16. The Challenge
When Jim tackles local council administration and civil defense, he runs afoul of a BBC interviewer.
17. The Skeleton in the Closet
Jim uses a costly mistake from Sir Humphrey's past to escape chastising an efficient local council for being late with their paperwork. This once again cause another dispute between the two.
18. The Moral Dimension
Jim is forced to back down about exposing bribery used to obtain a lucrative foreign contract when Bernard allows a valuable vase from a foreign government to be undervalued so that Mrs. Hacker can keep it.
19. The Bed Of Nails
Jim accepts an unpopular position pushing a national transportation bill desired by Number 10, but opposed by everyone else, especially Sir Humprhey.
20. The Whiskey Priest
Jim faces opposition from all sides when he learns that British munitions have been sold to terrorist groups and he decides to start an inquiry into how it happened.
21. The Middle Class Rip Off
Jim and Sir Humphrey collide when Jim acts as an MP to sell an art gallery and museum in his district to support a popular local soccer club.
22. Special. Short Episode
Margaret Thatcher stars as the Prime Minister in this special episode co-written by Thatcher herself.
Writer: Margaret Thatcher, Bernard Ingham
Guest star: Margaret Thatcher (Prime Minister)
23. Party Games
Sir Humphrey leaves the dept of Administrative Affairs, and becomes Cabinet Secretary. During the Christmas break the Home Secretary is arrested for drink driving and has to resign. then the Prime Minister also resigns so the party have to look for a compromise candidate.

Trivia-Yes Minister

Screenwriters Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn avoided all references that could indicate Hacker's political party, though Lynn later admitted they had always imagined him as a centre minded Conservative.
The role of James Hacker was written with Paul Eddington in mind.
The British Film Institute (BFI) named this as one of the top ten television programmes of all time.

A great fan of the series, Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher (as she then was) wrote a sketch for the show with press secretary Bernard Ingham which was recorded and aired as part of the 1984 National Viewers and Listeners Awards. The sketch featured Paul Eddington and Nigel Hawthorne, both of whom are talking to the Prime Minister (played by Thatcher herself) about her notion to abolish economists.

The writers had advisors who had worked within the government and many of the stories were based on real situations. For example, in episode #3.4 ('The Moral Dimension') they go to an arab state where alcohol is not allowed and so they set up a "communications room" in the embassy where they keep a stash of booze so they could slip out and have a drink. This really happened.

Quotes-Yes Minister

[Discussing property owned by the Department of Administrative Affairs]
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Ladysmith House is top secret.
James Hacker: How can a seven storey building in Walthamstow be top secret?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Where there's a will, there's a way.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Politicians like to panic. They need activity; it's their substitute for achievement!
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Minister, Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least the last 500 years: to create a disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, with the French and Italians against the Germans, and with the French against the Germans and Italians. Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now when it's worked so well?
James Hacker: That's all ancient history, surely.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Yes, and current policy. We had to break the whole thing up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn't work. Now that we're inside we can make a complete pig's breakfast of the whole thing: set the Germans against the French, the French against the Italians, the Italians against the Dutch. The Foreign Office is terribly pleased, it's just like old times.
James Hacker: But if that's true, why is the foreign office pushing for higher membership?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: I'd have thought that was obvious. The more members an organization has, the more arguments it can stir up. The more futile and impotent it becomes.
James Hacker: What appalling cynicism.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: We call it diplomacy, Minister.

James Hacker: So when this next comes up at Question Time, you want me to tell Parliament that it's their fault that the Civil Service is too big?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: But it is the truth, Minister.
James Hacker: I don't want the truth. I want something I can tell Parliament!
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Minister, I have something to say to you which you may not like to hear.
James Hacker: Why should today be any different?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Minister, the traditional allocation of executive responsibilities has always been so determined as to liberate the ministerial incumbent from the administrative minutiae by devolving the managerial functions to those whose experience and qualifications have better formed them for the performance of such humble offices, thereby releasing their political overlords for the more onerous duties and profound deliberations which are the inevitable concomitant of their exalted position.
James Hacker: I wonder what made you think I didn't want to hear that?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: It is necessary to get behind someone in order to stab them in the back?
[there has arisen the possibility of James Hacker becoming Prime Minister]
Sir Humphrey Appleby: How would you feel about your present master as the next Prime Minister?
[Bernard looks at his watch]
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Are you in a hurry?
Bernard Woolley: No, I was just checking my watch to see it wasn't April 1st!

[the Home Secretary has been forced to resign after a drink-driving incident]
James Hacker: What will happen to him?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, I gather he was as drunk as a lord. So, after a discreet interval, they'll probably make him one.

[talking on the phone about the arrangements for an international conference]
Bernard Woolley: Have the countries in alphabetical order? Oh no, we can't do that, we'd put Iraq next to Iran.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Bernard, Ministers should never know more than they need to know. Then they can't tell anyone. Like secret agents, they could be captured and tortured.
Bernard Woolley: You mean by terrorists?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: By the BBC, Bernard.
James Hacker: But we can't betray government colleagues! Stab them in the back and spit in their eye!
Bernard Woolley: You can't actually stab anyone in the back while you spit in their eye, minister.
Bernard Woolley: [Bernard looks embarrassed] Sorry.

Bernard Woolley: That's one of those irregular verbs, isn't it? I give confidential security briefings. You leak. He has been charged under section 2a of the Official Secrets Act.

Perfect Strangers 1

1. Knock Knock, Who's There?
Larry Appleton, who's moved to Chicago to become a photojournalist, takes a job at a corner discount store run by his landlord, Mr. Twinkacetti. One night his distant cousin Balki Bartokomous, a sheep herder from the island of Mypos, shows up on his doorstep. Larry takes him in and helps him get a job at the store.
2. Picture This
Larry gets tipped off that Dolly Parton is in town committing adultery, so he decides to follow her until he can get a picture to sell to newspapers. Meanwhile, Balki will do a favor for anyone who asks for it, so Larry tries to teach him to say "no" once and a while.
3. First Date
Larry takes Balki to a singles bar to teach him how to meet women, but Balki's much more adept with women than he thought.

4. Baby, You Can Drive My Car
Balki wants to get his driver's license, but Mr. Twinkacetti doesn't think he can do it. Larry is so confident that he can, that he bets $50 and offers Balki his car.
5. Check This
Larry takes Balki to open a checking account, but problems arise when Balki spends without understanding how it works. Meanwhile, Mr. Twinkacetti wants Larry to cover for him to hide his gambling from his wife.
6. Happy Birthday
Larry is miserable on his 24th birthday after he blew a photo opportunity. So Balki tries to throw him a last minute surprise birthday party for him to cheer him up.

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7. Hello Baby
Balki invites Gina, a pregnant friend from his citizenship class, to stay with he and Larry while her husband is out of town. Already in a foul mood from having to share the sofa with Balki, Larry goes into a panic when he learns that Gina could go into labor at any moment.
8. Hunks Like Us
Larry and Balki join a health club—Balki to get in shape; Larry when he falls for a fellow member. In order to score dates, Larry and Balki try to prove they're jocks, but overdoing their workout might spell trouble for their potential romances.
9. The Unnatural
Larry's softball team has a chance of winning the championship, but with their star player unavailable, Larry's hopes of winning the coveted trophy might rest on Balki's shoulders.
10. Ladies and Germs
Larry has a date with a beauty queen, but after going to the hospital to visit Mr. Twinkacetti, he catches a cold. Balki tries to cure him with a secret Myposian cure, but it proves to be surprisingly potent.
11. Lifesavers
After Larry saves Balki from getting hit by a taxi, Balki becomes his personal servant, but it soon becomes too much for Larry to take.
12. Babes in Babylon
Larry and Balki win a trip to Las Vegas. When they get there, Larry plans out what to do for their entire trip to prevent Balki from going to the casinos and becoming a compulsive gambler. Balki eventually talks him into it and after Balki has a string of good luck playing roulette, Larry starts playing and won't stop.

13. Falling in Love is...
Larry is suspicious of Balki's girlfriend from nightschool, but Balki refuses to believe that she is just using him to get a good grade.
14. Two Men and a Cradle
Balki agrees to take care of Gina's baby while she goes away with her husband, but he and Larry take it to the park and somehow come home with someone else's baby.
15. Can I Get a Witness?
Balki takes a job delivering packages for a racketeer named Vince Lucas. After Vince is busted he and Larry are asked to testify in court, but Vince threatens to kill them if they do.
16. The Rent Strike
A rent strike organized by Balki and Larry to force Twinkacetti to make needed repairs turns into a battle of wills when Twinkacetti shuts off the utilities.
17. A Christmas Story
When Larry's planned trip home to Wisconsin is ruined by a blizzard, Balki tries to cheer him up.
18. Dog Gone Blues
When Balki brings a dog home—contrary to the lease—he and Larry plot to keep Twinkacetti from discovering it.

19. Since I Lost My Baby
After Mr. Twinkacetti forgets his wedding anniversary (for the 16th time), Edwina kicks him out. Balki invites him to stay for a while, but when he makes no efforts to reconcile with Edwina, it's up to Larry and Balki try and get them back together.
20. Trouble in Paradise
Larry and Balki invite Jennifer and Mary Anne over for dinner, but don't agree on Balki's choice to serve a Myposian meal.
21. Beautiful Dreamer
When Balki has trouble sleeping, Larry tries to help him discover the source of the nightmare that has been haunting him.
22. Tux for Two
Larry has been invited to a formal party for a photographer he idolizes, but Balki's honest opinions embarrass Larry.
23. Ten Speed and a Soft Touch
Larry and Balki become 'big brothers' to a troubled teenager who is always stealing. They do fine until Larry accuses him of stealing his bike.
24. Snow Way to Treat a Lady (1)
Balki signs he and Larry up for a group ski vacation. Although Larry initially refuses to go, he later agrees when he learns that Jennifer will be going. Desperate to impress Jennifer, Larry is willing to go to whatever lengths are necessary.
25. Snow Way to Treat a Lady (2)
In the aftermath of the avalanche, Larry, Balki, Jennifer, and Mary-Anne are trapped in a cabin, and fearing for their lives, decide to dig a tunnel to safety.
26. Up on a Roof
Larry enters a photo contest and has the idea of a perfect picture. But to take it, he and Balki have to go up on a roof and shoot it before a storm comes in.
27. Get a Job
Larry and Balki quit their jobs after Twinkacetti refuses to give them a raise and get jobs at a burger joint serving to rowdy hockey fans.
28. Hello Elaine
Larry is appalled when his favorite sister, Elaine, tells him that she's going to New York to become a professional pianist instead of going to college.

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29. All News That Fits
Larry gets a job at the Chicago Chronicle as a reporter and brings Balki to find a job. Mr. Burns, the city editor, hires Balki in the mail room, but Mr. Gorpley, the mail room boss, doesn't want him there and tries everything to fire him.
30. Weigh to Go Buddy
When Larry discovers that he has gained seven pounds, he goes on a diet that won't work, prompting Balki to give him a Myposian diet.
31. Sexual Harrassment in Chicago
The editor of the Chronicle's Sunday magazine makes a play for innocent Balki. Even though Balki isn't interested, she won't take no for an answer, and threatens Balki's job if he rejects her.
32. Taking Stock
Balki buys one share of stock in a cereal company and discovers that there aren't the advertised number of raisins in a box. Knowing that the company is cheating the public, he decides to go to head office to complain.
33. Better Shop Around
While grocery shopping, Balki is excited to win a shopping spree, but Larry sucks the joy out by planning every purchase in hopes of reselling the goods and buying an air conditioner.
34. Your Cheatin' Heart
Jennifer and Balki sneak around while trying to surprise Larry with a new typewriter. Larry misunderstands and suspects that they're having an affair.
35. The Horn Blows at Midnight
When a famous psychic visits the Chronicle, she goes into a trance and makes an elaborate prediction ending in Larry's death. Larry thinks that it is just superstition—until the first part comes to pass.
36. Karate Kids
Humliated after getting roughed up in front of Jennifer, Larry and Balki decide to take karate lessons, but Larry's desire for revenge might be his undoing.
37. Night School Confidential
Balki is cheated by a con artist who sells him counterfeit watches. After the police prove to be no help, Larry and Balki go undercover to expose the crook themselves.

38. Future Shock
Even with Jennifer facing a promotion that would send her to Los Angeles, Larry is reticent to tell her how he feels and ask her to stay.
39. Couch Potato
When Larry and Balki get cable TV, an entranced Balki becomes a couch potato, leaving Larry extremely concerned.
40. The Break In
When Balki accidently delivers Larry's joke article to the publisher, the two break into the publisher's office late at night to retrieve it.
41. To Be or Not to Be
When Larry and Balki are chosen to be in a commercial for the Chicago Chronicle, Larry goes overboard with his acting.
42. My Lips Are Sealed
Larry soon regrets chastising Balki for telling Mr. Gorpley what's in the company's mail when he suddenly needs to know about his impending raise to buy the car of his dreams.
43. The Pen Pal
Larry fears for his life when Balki invites the just-paroled Vince Lucas—whom the duo testified against—over to their apartment.
44. Just Desserts
After Balki serves Larry, Jennifer, and Mary Anne some "bibi-bobkas", Larry sees dollar signs, and looks for a way to rush some into production for a fast profit.
45. Pipe Dreams
Tasked by Jennifer to get a plumber to fix her shower head, Larry decides she'll be impressed if he fixes it himself, but finds his plumbing skills sorely lacking.

46. Bye Bye Biki
Larry has to break the news to Balki that his centenarian grandmother died en route for a visit, but Balki can't quite bring himself to accept it.
47. The Graduate
Larry looks for a way to help after Balki is crestfallen to learn there's no graduation ceremony for his completing night school.
48. Defiant Guys
When a tiff leaves Larry refusing to speak to him, Balki handcuffs them together before Larry's big meeting with the Chronicle publisher—and he doesn't have the key.
49. My Brother, Myself
Hoping to upstage his succesful, braggart brother, Larry fibs about his job at the Chronicle, and dupes the honest Balki into helping.
50. You Gotta Have Friends
When Balki claims to have met—and loaned money to—Carl Lewis, Larry thinks the naive Balki's once again been taken advantage of.

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51. The Lottery
Larry tries to warn Balki off playing the lottery as being too much of a long shot, but a frantic search ensues when it seems Balki's lost ticket is the winner of a $28 million jackpot.
Guest star: Sam Anderson (Sam Gorpley) , Gregg Berger (Clerk)
52. Assertive Training
After a series of rebuffs sees Larry taking assertiveness training, he promptly goes overboard in using his lessons to speak his mind.
53. Aliens
Larry and Balki throw a Halloween party with their friends and after six hours of watching scary movies, Larry wakes up and discovers that Balki is an alien from "Planet Mypos" and is turning everyone into Mypiots by putting vests on them.
54. Piano Movers
When Lydia wants her piano moved up ten flights of stairs so she can sing for a record producer she's dating, Balki volunteers himself and Larry, but Larry's bad back may be a strain on the operation.
55. High Society
Larry has an idea to present to the owners of the Chronicle, but has trouble getting into a party that they're holding. Balki getting mistaken for the Crown Prince of Mypos may be his ticket inside.

56. Up a Lazy River (1)
Larry wants to take Jennifer on the Chicago Chronicle camping trip, but remembering the ski trip, she's hesitant to go.
57. Up a Lazy River (2)
After the gang gets lost in the woods, Larry sees a chance to impress Jennifer, if he can just lead them safely back to camp.
58. College Bound
Larry prepares a surprise party for Balki who is taking his college entrance exams. While they are waiting for him to return, they talk about some things they've been through together such as when they first met, the first day at the Chronicle, when they tried to fix Jennifer and Mary Anne's shower, etc. Larry thinks that he has helped Balki come a long way, but it seems that Balki has been helping him more.
59. The Gift of the Mypiot
Mr. Gorpley's a wet blanket at Balki and Larry's Christmas party, but Balki insists on cheering him up.
60. Maid to Order
With Larry working late and Balki at college, household chores are being neglected, so they decide to hire a maid. But when the maid acts more like a mother, Larry gets fed up.
61. That Old Gang of Mine
When Mary Anne's promotion to London leaves Balki heartbroken, Larry suggests he get a hobby, but doesn't expect it to be a motorcycle gane.
62. Crimebusters
Looking to make a big impression following his promotion to the Chronicle's investigative team, Larry hopes to use Harriette's policeman husband as his ticket to a major scoop.

63. Games People Play
Larry and Balki appear on the game show Risk it All. Larry's conservative plan to avoid the risky stunts and just answer questions goes out the window when they're offered a chance at a Caribbean cruise.
64. Come Fly with Me
A Myposian snack eaten incorrectly by Jennifer and Mary Anne leaves Larry and Balki to steward a flight to Hawaii.
65. Blind Alley
When Larry's star bowler is sent out of town by Mr. Gorpley right before their big tournament finale, Balki end up filling in, but his seeming natural talent for the game is jeopardized by a trip to the ophthalmologist.
66. The King and I
Lydia's boyfriend hypnotizes Balki, leaving him thinking he's Elvis during he and Larry's tax audit.
67. Prose and Cons
Larry and Balki are tossed in jail after refusing to reveal their source for a financial market scandal, and wind up with some unsavory cellmates.
68. Car Wars
Balki's happy to finally have enough money to buy a used car, but Larry squeezes the fun out of the process with his family's rating system.
69. Just a Gigolo
Balki unwittingly sets up the recently-heartbroken Lydia with a gigolo who cons women out of their money.
70. Seven Card Studs
After Balki gets cheated out of his money at Mr. Gorpley's poker game, Larry claims to be a poker expert and plays to win back Balki's money.
71. Teacher's Pest
Recruited to teach journalism, Larry soon alienates the class by imposing ridiculously high standards for their work.
72. Wedding Bell Blues
On Balki's 25th birthday, his mama has a pre-arranged marriage that Balki must go through with, even though he is in love with Mary Anne. Larry and Jennifer try and find a way to save Balki from being unhappy.

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73. Good Skates
When Larry finds out that Grant, a co-worker of Jennifer's is impressing Jennifer by raising money for a "big brothers" roller skating marathon, he gets jealous of him and lies about his roller skating ability to win Jennifer.
74. Lie-Ability
After a minor car accident, Mr. Gorpley suggests Larry should sue. So Larry has plans to defraud an insurance company to get money to help his sister, Elaine, with her tuition, but Balki objects as usual.
75. The Newsletter
When Balki is put in charge of the Chronicle Newsletter, Larry horns in and suggests he dig deep into the information. But he ends up reporting Lydia getting cosmetic surgery, Mr. Gorpley dating the wife of a sports editor, and quotes an insult Larry made about Mr. Wainwright.
76. Tooth or Consequences
Balki gets a cavity and Larry makes a dental appointment for him. Balki is excited to go when Larry tells him about all the neat stuff, but he's too scared to go when Mr. Gorpley tells him about the drill.
77. Dog Day Mid-Afternoon
Larry writes an exposé of a money laundering scheme that gets him his first front page story, but he's upset when he realizes that Marshall & Walpole took all the credit for his article. Also, Marvin Berman, the money laundering scheme's accountant, is also upset because his boss took all the credit for the scheme that was really his idea. So he shows up at the Chronicle with a bomb and demands a printed retraction.

78. Poetry in Motion
Larry and Balki discover that Lowell Kelly, a famous poet, used to live in their apartment and his unpublished poem is hidden there. They search for it, but Balki doesn't know that Larry plans to sell it after he discovered that it would be worth about $100,000.
79. Father Knows Best (1)
Larry's perfectionist father comes for a visit and Larry wants to impress him so he can finally get a "well done son" from his father. But instead, they end up trapped in the basement that is flooding after Larry broke the water pipe.
80. Father Knows Best (2)
Larry and Balki, Jennifer and Mary Anne, Lydia and Mr. Gorpley, and of course Larry's father are all trapped in the flooding basement. Larry attempts to solve the problem without much luck. So thinking they're all going to die, Larry must tell his father how he feels. Luck changes when Larry finds his chemistry set.
81. Hello Ball
When Jennifer's father comes to town, Larry tries to impress him, so they decide to go golfing. Larry is an excellent golfer, but Mr. Lyons is a bad golfer and a bad loser, so Larry decides to let him win and lets Balki play, thinking that he can't golf--but can he?
82. Almost Live from Chicago
Lydia has been offered the opportunity of having her on TV advice show, but she has one problem: she's afraid of cameras. Larry tries to force her to do the show because of a mistake he made in high school when he turned down an opportunity.
83. Home Movies
Balki wants to send a home movie to his mama for the reunion he is going to miss, but Larry takes over the video and goes overboard with his movie-making skills.
84. Everybody in the Pool
Balki plays the football pool for the first time at the Chronicle and wins. He also ends up winning the next five weeks, which makes everyone mad at him except Larry, who decides to copy his picks to bet $10,000 with a bookie, unaware that Balki picked all the losers.
85. Because They're Cousins
Balki's cousin Bartok come to visit from Mypos via Los Angeles for the last six months. Bartok looks just like Balki except after being in LA, he lost his accent and got a cool attitude, and he has a money-making scheme and tries to take Balki's money.
86. Disorderly Orderlies
Balki tries to get Larry to do volunteer work at the hospital, but he refuses until he discovers that a famous football player is a patient there, hoping that he can get an interview to advance his career.
87. The Selling of Mypos
When a big corporation in Chicago wants to buy 300 acres of land on Mypos, Balki is chosen to negotiate the sale, and he picks Larry to guide him through. When they are offered 10% of the total sale of 28 million dollars, Larry insists they accept, but Balki has a funny feeling about it.
88. Nightmare Vacation
Larry found the perfect vacation and Balki, Jennifer, and Mary Anne decide to give him one more chance with planning vacations. They go to a tropical resort, Club Paradise, with broken walls in the hotel room and it is disrupted with a hurricane. Larry can't admit that he's made another mistake.
89. Three's a Crowd
While playing a board game, an argument breaks out between Jennifer and Mary Anne. The result being Mary Anne moving out and in with Larry and Balki at Balki's insistence. Larry doesn't like the idea because it jeopardizes his relationship with Jennifer, so Larry and Balki devise a plan to get Jennifer and Mary Anne back together.
90. Blast From the Past
It's a very psychotic evening when Marvin Berman, who tried to blow up Larry and Balki, visits them for dinner to apologize. But in the process, they mistakenly think that the mob is after them and they are surrounded by killers.
91. He's the Boss
When Mr. Wainwright hires a personal assistant, Mr. Glover, Balki gets promoted to the executive staff, but is unaware that it is a scheme that Mr. Glover has to try and implement the American Dream Program. And Larry may lose his job if he doesn't go along with it.
92. Here Comes the Judge
When Balki is elected the head of the grievance committee, Lydia is accused of parking violations and she tries to influence his judgment by buying him "bunny slippers." Larry tells Balki that he must be tough, which comes back on Larry when he's accused of stealing office supplies.

93.This Old House
Larry has a plan to make a fortune and talks Balki into buying a house for no money down, fixing it up, and then selling it for a profit. He ends up making a deal for $150,000. But when he realizes he can make more money by putting in a chandelier and fancy doors, he gets greedy.
94. Eyewitless Reports
A Chronicle Tour sends Mr. Gorpley, Larry and Balki, and Jennifer and Mary Anne to a cabin in the forest where they encounter a 'Mad Dog' killer who escaped from prison. The killer is later apprehended, but they all tell different stories about the capture, which confuses the state trooper.
95. Bye, Bye Birdie
Balki grows very fond of his new pet parrot that drives Larry crazy. Meanwhile, their chimney is clogged and when Larry tries to light a fire, he has to open the window to let the smoke out. The parrot flies out, leaving Balki heartbroken.
96. Digging Up the News
Larry is assigned to interview Uncle Shaggy, a kid's show host, and when he gets Balki to take a picture of him without his costume, they get Uncle Shaggy fired after someone discovers that he has a criminal record for something he did along time ago. Larry swears he will make it up to him.

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97. Safe at Home
After Larry buys an expensive stereo chair, their apartment is robbed, along with the chair. Larry buys a high-tech security system, but takes all the responsibilities himself and won't share them with Balki.
98. New Kid on the Block
Balki agrees to babysit their new neighbor's daughter, Tess, and lets her do whatever she wants. She ends up terrorizing the apartment, which disturbs Larry, who is trying to write a possible front-page story for a city council exposé. She also disrupts the staff at the Chronicle.
99. The Break Up
Jennifer was asked out on a date by an old boyfriend and checked with Larry first. He agreed thinking that's what she wanted, but she really wanted to know where their relationship is going. Confused, she breaks up with Larry, who is too scared to tell her how he really feels, but they eventually end up getting engaged.
100. A Horse is a Horse
Larry and Balki buy a race horse and when they race him, he comes in last. They later discover that he has an incurable disease, but Balki takes the horse back to the apartment and tries a Myposian potion to cure him.
101. Family Feud
A 500-year-old feud in the Bartokomous family is back when their rival Zolton Bauchelitis is coming to fight a duel with Balki. Larry gets caught up in it and must fight Zolton himself. However, they don't try and kill each other; the winner takes the loser's ears.
102. Call Me Indestructible
Larry is assigned to do an article about a Korean war pilot and he and Balki go up in his plane to fly with him, even though he is petrified of small planes. After doing tricks in the air, the pilot bails out, Balki lands the plane and later, Balki discovers that Tephlonous, the Myposian God of Protection was with them and that they are indestructible for 4 weeks. It turns out to be a dream after Larry fainted.
103. The Men Who Knew Too Much (1)
Larry is sent to Los Angeles to write an article about a soap opera star's wedding and Balki goes with him. While attempting to get a better story, they get chased by mobsters after they witness and videotape Marco Madison, a big time gangster, murder an undercover drug agent. Larry and Balki become the prime suspects.
104. The Men Who Knew Too Much (2)
Larry and Balki manage to play back the tape proving their innocence, but they have trouble getting the tape to the police after they are mugged and captured by Marco's men.
105. The Ring
Larry buys an engagement ring for Jennifer from a street hustler, unaware that he sells phony diamonds. When he discovers that the ring is fake, Larry sells his car, buys a real diamond, and tries to switch the rings before she gets it appraised the next day.

106. Black Widow
After doing some research, Larry finds evidence that Mary Anne is a serial killer, but Jennifer is very skeptical since she's known her all her life. Larry gets scared when Mary Anne is planning on taking Balki mountain climbing, and when Jennifer gets called into work, he thinks that Mary Anne killed her.
107. Sunshine Boys
Larry's popular high school rival, Bunky McDermott, comes to see him and invites him and Balki to a formal dinner party and make him a member of his popular club. Larry is so excited and lies to Bunky about going to the Caribbean, but to convince him, Larry and Balki spend some time in a tanning bed and end up getting sunburned.
108. Hocus Pocus
When Balki practices his magic tricks for the Youth Center Show, Larry refuses to go because he's been having trouble finding a story for Mr. Wainwright. But after he finds out that Margaret Thatcher will be stopping by, he sees a great interview and decides to go.
109. Finders Keepers
Balki finds a box with over $50,000 cash in it. Larry wants to keep it, but Balki is insistent on finding the rightful owner, which won't be easy, especially with Mr. Gorpley scheming to get it any way he can.

110. Grandpa
Grandpa Appleton comes for a visit and is quite a surprise: He's 76 years old and is acting like a wild teenager, and has a much younger girlfriend. Larry thinks he should act more his age, but Balki thinks that it's okay acting as young as he feels.
111. Little Apartment of Horrors
During the cold season Larry has a bad cold, along with everyone else except Balki. Balki's mama sends a plant that cures Larry and everyone else, and Larry decides to grow it big to make money off it, unaware that growing it large has wacky side effects.
112. I Saw This on TV
Larry manages to get tickets to go to a Bulls game with Balki on the night that Larry promised to take Jennifer to the ballet. So Larry lies to Jennifer, saying that he had to work. Balki tells him a story about an old rerun of The Honeymooners where we see Ralph (Larry) lying to Alice (Jennifer) about having to work late when he plans on going bowling with Norton (Balki) and Alice ends up finding out about it while she was with Trixie (Mary Anne). However Jennifer found out about the basketball game and Larry is in a heap of trouble.
113. Speak Memory
Jennifer's mother comes to town and wants to meet Larry, but Jennifer doesn't think that her mother will approve of her marrying him. Later on, Larry falls down the stairs at the Chronicle and gets amnesia, which lasts during the dinner where Larry meets Mrs. Lyons.
114. Out of Sync
Balki is discovered by a music promoter who offers him a record and video contract. Larry convinces Balki to accept and he becomes the newest rap star after shooting a video called "Fresh Young Balki B." But after they watch it, they notice that a different voice was dubbed in and Balki quits.
115. See How They Run
Balki runs for student body president and lets Larry help. As usual, Larry goes completely over the top. The students don't like the idea of Balki's idea of reinstating the language requirement, so Larry thinks Balki should lie in order to win, but he won't.

116. Climb Every Billboard
Larry suggests to Mr. Wainwright that a Chronicle employee stay on a billboard until the Bulls' losing streak is over. Mr. Wainwright likes the idea and assignes Larry to find someone to do it. He tricks Balki into doing it, but when Balki wants to get down, Larry kicks the ladder down and they both get stuck up there until the Bulls win.
117. A Catered Affair
Balki's catering business really takes off when he is catering for Texans. On Larry's advice, Balki books another party on the same night, unaware that Larry already booked another party without telling him. Even with Larry helping him in the kitchen, and Jennifer and Mary Anne serving, all three parties are too much for them to handle.
118. Duck Soup
Larry is going duck hunting with Mr. Wainwright and Balki wants to go to get revenge on something that happened to him when he was a kid involving a duck. Larry lets him go when he sees what a great shot Balki is, but it turns into a disaster when Balki will only let them kill one kind of ducks - pterodactyls.
119. Great Balls of Fire
Balki convinces Larry to become a volunteer fireman, but after the fire chief wore him out, Larry refuses to go back to the fire station until he discovers that Jennifer gets really turned on by firemen. However, the only fire they get to fight is in the fire station.
120. See You in September
Balki and Mary Anne expect Larry and Jennifer to set a wedding date, but they're too scared. To help them, Balki gives them an official marriage test to see if they're right for each other, but things don't go as expected. In the end they set the wedding for September, regardless of what the test says.

Perfect Strangers 7

121. Bachelor Party
As the best man at Larry's upcoming wedding, Balki is tricked by Mr. Gorpley into throwing a bachelor party. When Mr. Gorpley show up at the party, he spikes the punch and hires a stripper--then Jennifer finds out.
122. The Wedding
Larry and Balki are driving to Lake Whitefish, where Larry and Jennifer are getting married, and they are pulled over for going too slow. They are arrested when Larry backs into the patrol car, then they are picked out of a line-up when Larry is identified as a robber. Larry and Jennifer end up getting married in jail until the real robber confesses.
123. This New House
After losing their new apartment, Larry and Jennifer move into a luxurious Victorian house, but can't afford to pay for food and heat. So, after trying to break the lease without success, they ask Balki and Mary Anne to board with them to help them out.
124. Door to Door
Larry and Balki get part time jobs to earn extra money. Balki tries stuffing teddy bears, but Larry asks for his help with the door-to-door selling of cleaning products. However, Larry is determined to go to a mansion and sell lots of products, instead of going door-to-door, with disastrous results.
125. Weekend at Ferdinand's
King Ferdinand of Mypos comes to visit America and dies in Larry's arms - which means that Larry is the new king according to Myposian custom. But convinced that Larry would make a terrible king, they must pretend that he's alive and drop him into the arms of the King's advisor - The Speaker of the Hut.

126. Fright Night
When Balki finds out that there is a ghost in their house, Larry refuses to believe it. Jennifer and Mary Anne are convinced when Balki shows them a book about it. They go up to Balki's room (where the ghost lives) and wait for him to come out. Even when miraculous things start to happen, Larry still doesn't believe it--until he's attacked.
127. The Gazebo
Larry and Balki are building a new gazebo in their back yard, and as they struggle to build it, it reminds Jennifer and Mary Anne of Laurel and Hardy as we see them in a parody of Laurel and Hardy trying to build a gazebo.
128. Citizenship (1)
Balki has passed his citizenship test and is about to be sworn in as an American citizen. Larry arranges for Balki's mama (Bronson Pinchot in a dual role) to come to America to witness him being sworn in. When Balki's mama discovers that he will not come back to Mypos to live, she is angry and Balki has to go back to Mypos.
129. Citizenship (2)
Larry travels to Mypos to try to persuade Balki's mama to let him come back to America, but before he can talk to her, Larry settles happily into the relaxed life style of Mypos and wants to stay. Eventually, he gets fed up and talks to Balki's mama, who realizes that it would really make him happy to let him come back to America, where is finally sworn in as an American Citizen.
130. Wild Turkey
On Thanksgiving, Larry goes into the turkey-selling business. There's over 100 turkeys roaming their backyard--and one of the turkeys may have eaten Jennifer's wedding ring.
131. Dimitri's World
Mr. Wainwright promotes Balki as the editor of the Sunday Children's page, where he draws a comic strip of a sheep named Dimitri. Larry is assigned to fill in the dialogue bubbles, but Larry and Balki can't agree on the sheep's sensibility.
132. Car Tunes
Larry buys a new car radio that gets stolen, so he puts an alarm in the car that keeps going off all night. Him and Balki try to catch the thief red-handed by hiding in the trunk--and get taken on an unexpected ride.
133. Two Angry Men
Balki gets his and Larry's names drawn for jury duty, which starts the day before Jennifer has a pre-paid, non-refundable vacation to Bermuda booked for her and Larry. Balki holds out for not guilty, endangering Larry's plans.
134. Missing
After Dimitri is kidnapped, Balki has a mental block that prevents him from drawing it in the paper, so Larry and Balki try to catch the kidnapper in the basement of the Chronicle.
135. Going Once, Going Twice
Larry goes to an auction to cover a story and brings Balki along. Larry demonstrates the bidding procedure at an auction and they wind up buying a very expensive bottle of wine for $21,000. They now must hide it from Jennifer until they can go back to the auction and resell it.

136. Yes Sir, That's My Baby
When Balki shows Larry that Jennifer has been knitting booties, the possibility that Jennifer is pregnant causes Larry to imagine Larry and Balki's future sons becoming best friends in the nursery, trying to escape.
137. Wayne Man
Balki wins an all-expenses paid trip to Las Vegas, but is sad when they can't get any tickets to see Wayne Newton. Jennifer attempts to call up an old boyfriend who can get her tickets, but a jealous Larry calls up Wayne's people and tells them that Balki is going deaf and manages to get tickets. After the concert, Wayne wants to meet Balki personally but Larry is afraid the truth will come out.
138. The Elevator
Larry decides to impress Mr. Wainwright by enlisting himself and Balki to move his brand new oversized couch up the elevator to his office while the elevator is under repair.
139. The Play's the Thing
When Balki takes Larry's Wheat play-script to Lydia's theater, Larry goes down to see the cast. When the director tries to change the lines, Larry won't let him, so they all quit. Larry insists that they keep the show by casting him with Balki, Lydia, Jennifer, and Mary Anne, but they've never acted before--and make a mess of it.

140. Stress Test
Mr. Wainwright has chosen Larry and Balki to team up for a stress evaluation test that could get them fired if they fail, which isn't easy for high-strung Larry.
141. Or Get Off the Pot (1)
Mary Anne has been hinting at Balki to propose to her, and he has failed one too many times, so she threatens to move out. Larry talks to Balki and tries to get him to realize, but due to miscommunication, Balki thinks that Jennifer's in love with him and Mary Anne is going to die. In all the confusion, Mary Anne moves out.
142. Chicago Suite (2)
Balki hasn't gone out since he broke up with Mary Anne, so Larry convinces Balki to go out and meet new people and takes him to a singles bar. Balki brings home a woman to watch a Woody Woodpecker marathon but her friend comes with her who is drunk and falls asleep in Larry's bed around the time that Jennifer comes home.
143. It Had to be You (1)
Balki has been having so many dates in the past two weeks and Jennifer thinks he still misses Mary Anne, but Larry refuses to believe it. Later on, Balki meets the woman of his dreams, who is identical to Mary Anne, and they later discover that Mary Anne is dating a man identical to Balki. Balki and Mary Anne don't seem to realize what's going on for a while, but when they do, they end up getting engaged.
144. Get Me to the Dump on Time (2)
According to a sacred Myposian custom, Balki and Mary Anne must be married within 24 hours and they get everything ready. Larry feels left out of the duties, so Balki makes him his best man and the guardian of his Myposian marriage necklace. He must have during the ceremony, but Larry accidentally throws it out. Larry and Balki search the dump for it, eventually find it, and Balki and Mary Anne finally get married.

Perfect Strangers 8

145. The Baby Shower
Jennifer is seven months pregnant; Balki and Mary Anne have been on their honeymoon for five months in Mypos and they're about to come home. When they arrive, they have a surprise: Mary Anne is also pregnant, but isn't going through any bad symptoms like Jennifer. Balki brought a root back from Mypos that could help Jennifer, but when Larry and Balki eat it, they start acting very hyper and ruin the baby shower.
146. After Hours
Larry wants to put some sparks back in his marriage, and after he fails with Balki's secret treasures, he goes shopping with Balki and accidentally gets locked in the store after hours with a mad dog on the loose.

147. Lethal Weapon
When all of Balki's ants on his farm die, he discovers that he has the "exterminiki curse" and everything he touches will instantly die. He then must wear an oven-mitt suit, but can't do his job and drives Jennifer and Mary Anne away until the curse is over.
148. Baby Quiz
Balki applies to the Baby Quiz TV game show for both couples. Only Larry and Jennifer are accepted until a last minute drop out by the other contestants lets Balki and Mary Anne take their places. The prize is a college scholarship for the baby.

149. Up, Up and Away (1)
Jennifer is two weeks overdue and has a few false alarms. Meanwhile, after Balki and Mary Anne went to the fair, Mary Anne goes into labor and has her baby in the driveway. Jennifer is told about a balloon ride Mary Anne went in, and in hopes of going into labor, Larry and Balki take Jennifer up in the balloon.
150. Up, Up and Away (2)
Many flashbacks from the series. Two months later, they watch a tape of the news showing the misadventures with the balloon. The babies are both boys. Balki and Mary Anne named their son Robespierre, while Larry and Jennifer's son is Tucker.

Quotes-P.S.

[Larry has rented Balki a tuxedo]
Balki Bartokomous: Yours?
Larry Appleton: Yes.
Balki Bartokomous: Yours... looks... just like mine.
Larry Appleton: Yes.
Balki Bartokomous: But if we dress alike, how will people tell us apart?
Larry Appleton: Dental records.

Larry Appleton: Was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?
Balki Bartokomous: Are you asking did - did I see *steam* rising from his head or did I see *you* rising from his head?
Larry Appleton: I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?
Balki Bartokomous: Okay... Okay, are you asking was it *me* who saw steam rising from his head or was it *you* who saw steam rising from his head?
Larry Appleton: I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?
Balki Bartokomous: [pause] Yes. Now, I have one for you - Was it me... or was that Miss Lydia's beauty mark sliding down her cheek?
Larry Appleton: It was you. It was definitely you sliding down her cheek.

Balki Bartokomous: Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!

Larry Appleton: I have...
Balki Bartokomous: Oh, God.
Larry Appleton: ...a plan.
Larry Appleton: Oh, my lord...
Mr. Wainwright: Appleton, you idiot!
Larry Appleton: I just shot my boss in the butt.

[Larry is hanging from a hook on the wall]
Balki Bartokomous: Cousin, do it for me, please?
Larry Appleton: No, no...
Balki Bartokomous: Oh, please. Please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way is it to the Emerald City?
Larry Appleton: Some people go that way, and some people go that way...
Balki Bartokomous: But, of course, people do go both ways.

Balki Bartokomous: You may call it intuition, you may call it common sense, you may call the wind Mariah...
Mr. Gorpley: And then there was the Christmas where my house burned down and I had to go to the hospital. No, that was a good Christmas. I got to sleep in a real bed!

[Larry is installing a shower head]
Balki Bartokomous: Where are the instructions?
Larry Appleton: I threw them out.
Balki Bartokomous: You threw them out?
Larry Appleton: Appletons have never used instructions. My dad completely rewired the house in Denver without instructions.
Balki Bartokomous: Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?
[Larry pauses for a second]
Larry Appleton: [sheepishly] They never proved it was the wiring.

Balki Bartokomous: You said that you would not go overboard, and now look at you. You're scraping barnacles off the Titanic.
[repeated line]
Balki Bartokomous: Well, of course not, don't be ridi-cool-us.

Larry Appleton: Our goal for this evening is to acheive physical contact. Now how do we acheive physical contact?
Balki Bartokomous: Begging?
Larry Appleton: Dancing.

Balki Bartokomous: Momma told me never to do the dance of joy alone, or I would go blind.

Balki Bartokomous: Your ship has finally hit the fan!

Larry Appleton: Take three steps east, please be meticulous.
Balki Bartokomous: Well of course we will, don't be ridiculous.

[after Larry confesses a lie to Jennifer, and mentions several other unrelated lies at the same time]
Balki Bartokomous: Boy, when you come clean you leave a ring around the tub!

Larry Appleton: I didn't lie. At most, I massaged the truth a little.
Balki Bartokomous: Massaged? You gave it a full body scrub and a mud bath!

[after Larry tells them they need to bake 2,000 "Bibby Bobkas" to sell to a restaurant]
Jennifer Lyons Appleton: Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?
[Larry stops to try to calculate it in his head]

Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: [without stopping to calculate it] 166 and 2/3 dozen.
[everyone looks at her in confused amazement]
Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: [as if it explained everything perfectly] My father was a carpenter.

Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: You know, having a ghost would explain so many things! Like how when you open the refrigerator, the light goes on!
Jennifer Lyons Appleton: No Maryanne, the light goes on because...
[pauses for a moment, then decides to give up]
Jennifer Lyons Appleton: Yes, Maryanne. Having a ghost would explain that.

Balki Bartokomous: [trying to think of the most offensive thing he can] I hope you fall on your face with your hands in your pockets!

[Twinkacetti is staying with the guys after his wife threw him out]
Donnie Twinkacetti: Hey, Appleton, I read your diary. You're a sick man.

Balki Bartokomous: Well, feed me garlic and call me stinky!

Balki Bartokomous: Hi, cousin! I just baked a big batch of bing bong binki binki bakalava.
Larry Appleton: ...Bing bong binki binki bakalava?
Balki Bartokomous: Bingo! Want a big bite, booby?
Larry Appleton: Better not, buddy.
Balki Bartokomous: ...bummer.
Larry Appleton: Bitter, Balki?
Balki Bartokomous: You bet your Bibby Babkas I'm bitter, baby! I busted my butt baking these itty bitty binkis, and believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly bolstering!
Larry Appleton: Balki, buddy, baby!
Balki Bartokomous: I wash my face of the whole business!

[after Larry and Balki lock themselves in a phone booth to call 911, a thug smashes the glass to the booth with his bare fist, then rips the handset of the phone, so they can't get help]
Balki Bartokomous: ...well, now you've done it! You're going to have to answer to the
[shouts]
Balki Bartokomous: phone company!