Quotes-Sex&City

Samantha: There's no such thing as bad publicity.
Carrie: Of course you'd say that, you're a publicist.
Charlotte: How can you forget a guy you've slept with?
Carrie: Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.
Taxi Driver: No smoking in cab.
Carrie: I'm sorry, we are talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.
Charlotte: I just don't want to be known as the "up-the-butt girl".
Stanford: I don't like having anything inserted in my anus, even though it may come as a surprise.
Samantha: One time I fucked a guy because he had a swimming pool. I came over and he used to bring me Kool-Aid.
Carrie: Kool-Aid?
Samantha: I was thirteen.
Samantha: You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.
Miranda: You haven't had a crush since Big.
Carrie: Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash.
Samantha: Until he says "I love you", you're a free agent.
Carrie: What is this? The Rules According to Samantha?
Samantha: See? I'm more old-fashioned than you think.
Carrie: One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.
[Charlotte York has just discovered that Samantha Jones has slept with her brother Wesley]
Charlotte: Is your vagina listed in the New York City guide books? Because it should be - hottest spot in town. Always open.
Samantha: I'm dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk...
[Charlotte storms out of the coffee shop]
Miranda: [to Carrie] And she's never coming back!
Miranda: I know you're probably busy having mind-blowing sex, but I feel you need to know that your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You'll probably need this information when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic."
Charlotte: Trey, I am tired of being married to your penis.
Samantha: I have a date with a dildo.
Charlotte: Schooner and Rebecca need each other. Schooner and Rebecca need each other.
Carrie: I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it.
Samantha: There isn't enough wall space in New York City to hang all of my exes. Let me tell you, a lot of them were hung.
Samantha: [to her male intern] The bad news is you're fired. The good news is now I can fuck you.
Stanford: It's so not fair. All the good ones are straight... even the gay ones.
Samantha: [to Carrie about Big] Have fun, just don't have amnesia.
Carrie: The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
Charlotte: I don't think she's a lesbian. I think she just ran out of men.
Trey: You're learning Chinese?
Charlotte: Well, just in case, I want to be able to speak to the baby.
[on meeting Big's new girlfriend]
Carrie: Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.
Mr. Big: I don't get it.
Carrie: And you never did.
[after oral sex on some guy]
Samantha: Could you shave or something? Blowing you is like getting my teeth flossed.
Samantha: Look at his robe. So "Robin and his Merry Men."
Samantha: You have a lot of nerve telling me to get a wax. If you were in Aruba the natives could bead your back.
Samantha: I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes, when I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.
Samantha: Anything else around here need milking?
Samantha: Well, I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.
Samantha: Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy.
Samantha: Well, I don't know how you people do it. All that emotional chow-chow. It's exhausting.
Samantha: What am I supposed to say? "Hi, this is my lesbian lover. And p.s.: I'm done with dick"?
Samantha: You've got to get online, honey. If only for the porn.
Carrie: Hi, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, a large fries and a Cosmopolitan.
Carrie: She's shiny Hair Style Section Vera Wang and I'm the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants.
Carrie: I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like friggin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.
Carrie: How does that work? You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof - you're a lesbian?
Carrie: Wait a minute. Are we talking tukhis lingus?
Carrie: How does this happen? How do they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?
Carrie: I just left "silent Y" in the bathroom. Oh and P.S., apparently the eighties are back.
Carrie: If by "going," you mean being taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town hostage.
Carrie: The only thing I've ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several small fires.
Carrie: Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.
Carrie: So what are we going to do? Sit around bars, sipping Cosmos and sleeping with strangers when we're eighty?
Miranda: Do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a houseplant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?
Miranda: Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.
Miranda: Soul mates only exist in the Hallmark aisle of Duane Reade Drugs.
Miranda: I made him cry. No, first I yelled at him - I yelled at my friend the cancer patient - then I made him cry. Miranda: I used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to me once. What do you think that means? All right. The cheese stands alone.
Miranda: Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.
Miranda: Women don't care. We care about nice arms, great eyes, a big dick... I've never once heard a woman say: "He had such a big full scrotum."
Miranda: I'm fine... but Charlotte, maybe your "hmmm hmmm" would like an order of fries?
Miranda: I don't want a boyfriend who does that. It's never ok to do that. Wait your turn, shut the door, do your business.
Charlotte: Allow me to get right to the point, guys. After careful consideration, I have decided that I am getting married this year.
Charlotte: I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become "revirginized".
Charlotte: Trey, you have a boner... I can't discuss my notes if you have a boner.
Charlotte: My vagina's depressed.
Charlotte: Can you have an affair with your own husband?
Charlotte: Look. She's got big boobs. So does she. It's the big boobs bonanza issue.
Charlotte: We finally have the penis working. I don't want to scare it.
Charlotte: If you had a patient who had a very, very slim chance of living, would that be good news? Would you tell the family, "Buck up, he's got a shot in hell?"
Samantha: Where were you on your lunch break? I stopped by your office and you weren't there?
Richard: I was eating.
Samantha: Eating? Eating who?
Carrie: That's another reason I love New York. Just like that, it can go from bad to cute.
Mr. Big: Interesting dress.
Carrie: Meaning?
Mr. Big: Interesting dress.
Samantha: Can we cut the cake? I have to go to a Three-way.
Carrie: [laughing uncontrollably] Wait, Wade, Wait... The Chicken Wings. If they come in and see billions of chicken wings they're gonna know
[more laughing]
Carrie: ... that we were smoking the POT.
Samantha: Money is power, sex is power, therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
Carrie: Once again, Samantha managed to up-sex me.
Miranda: After years of odd men, God is throwing me a bone.
Carrie: And possibly a boner as well.
Carrie: That night, Trey successfully screwed his wife for a full minute-and-a-half... before the wind died.
Charlotte: You pull me off my unicorn, you tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your schooner deep inside my Rebecca.
Carrie: One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.
Samantha: The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened with Nixon; no one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.
Carrie: [to Samantha] This past week I've seen Miranda's boobs and Charlotte's boob. Why don't you show me your boobs too and the circle is full?
[Samantha flashes her boobs]
Carrie: I was kidding.
Carrie: [about therapists] First they want you to come there two times a week, then three times a week, and eventually you're starting every sentence with 'my therapist says... '
Miranda: My therapist says that's a very common fear.
Carrie: Yes, we'd love to meet Wesley of Wesley and Leslie. And by the way, does he work at Nestlé?
Samantha: If we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world. And at the same time have our hands free.
Samantha: You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'.
Samantha: You get married and hope for the best. If it doesn't work out you'll get divorced. You can take tap with Bojangles over here.
Carrie: No I can't take a vow of for ever and ever if what I mean is for the forseeable future. I couldn't do that to Aiden.
Lew: You want to go grab a drink?
Miranda: Yes please, the sight of all these white teeth is blinding.
Carrie: You think it's as simple as my dad walked out therefore I'll always be screwed up about men?
Miranda: My father came home at seven on the button every night and I still have no clue.
Samantha: [to the girls] I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.
Carrie: Now it's airborne.
Miranda: I just got Brady to sleep.
Dr. Robert Leeds: Do you sing to him?
Miranda: Only if he's been bad.
Carrie: This is the day I got arrested for smokin' a doobie.
[giggling uncontrollably]
Carrie: Did you hear that?
[giggling]
Carrie: I said "doobie".
Charlotte: I proposed to myself.
Carrie: What?
Charlotte: Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.
Carrie: Wait. What exactly did he say?
Charlotte: All righty.
Carrie: All righty? He said all righty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "all righty".
Charlotte: Oh, Carrie, stop.
Carrie: All righty.
Mr. Big: [Carrie has returned to New York after a bad spell in Paris and where Big in his ubuquitous runs into her outside on the streets on NYC outside of her apartment] You know, I don't live here anymore and the Four Season won't check you in until one o'clock.
Carrie: Oh? Did you wanna come up?
[She points to her apartment]
Mr. Big: Abso-fucking-lutely!
Carrie: The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.
Miranda: [Stomps her foot while on the phone at Steve's] DAMMIT! I fucked up Debbie's B!
[the girls are having lunch]
Carrie: Big's leaving his wife!
[All girls gasp]
Carrie: He got drunk and told me at the furniture show
Miranda: What was he doing at a furniture show?
Carrie: Drinkin' and leaving his wife!
Miranda: I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman: "I'm sorry, Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. Ever."
Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.
Carrie: It was all very familiar. She was having a dejà-fuck.
Anthony Marantino: I am sleeping and walking! Sleeping and walking! How am I doing that?
Carrie: We were having one of those great first dates that you can only have when its not an actual date.
Carrie: It's the end of an era.
Carrie: You string me along for two years and you marry some 25 year old girl after five months.
Carrie: It's good to know that the ones you love will always be in your heart. And if you're very lucky, only a plane ride away.
Miranda: When did you stop calling her the idiot stick figure with no soul?
Carrie: Three weeks ago when I saw them at Cafe M. He was smiling and holding her hand and I finally got it. They're happy slash we're over.
Miranda: I'm gonna ask you an unpleasant question now- why did you ever say yes?
Carrie: The man you love kneels down in the street and offers you a ring, you say yes that's what you do.
Carrie: Dolce and Gabanna picked me?
Fashion show producer: Yes, fuckette, and those are some picky Italians.
Samantha: My name's Samantha and I'm a loveaholic.
Steve: Who's gonna fuck a uniball bartender?
Carrie: "Going out of business sex", what do you think?
Miranda: [immediately] No.
Carrie: All right, Quick Draw, give it a second here.
Miranda: [gives it a literal second] No.
Carrie: My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not be worried about the future.
Carrie: Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with...
Carrie: I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.
Charlotte: I didn't grow up in a naked house.
Carrie: Well I didn't either.
Charlotte: [laughing about a naked woman in the locker room] I bet she grew up in a naked house.
Carrie: She might still live in a naked house.
Carrie: What? Now? What happened to last night with all your concerns?
Big: Fuck it. You'll need material for the sequel.
Miranda: I'm dating skid-marks guy. When your boyfriend is so comfortable that he cannot be bothered to wipe his ass, there's a problem.
Miranda: I didn't tell Walker I was pregnant.
Carrie: Miranda!
Miranda: It didn't come up! If Walker had said to me, "Have you given birth recently?", I would have said, "Well, first of all, define recently."
Miranda: [about analingus] Some guy must have found one woman that loved it and then went around telling everyone, "Women LOOOVE this!"
Carrie: Charlotte, you have slept with eight men and we're still on appetizers.
Harry: Charlotte, you're so beautiful... your skin is so smooth...
Charlotte: And you... have a hard dick.
Carrie: I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty.
Samantha: [on the possibility that Carrie's boyfriend will propose to her] If you become one of thos married assholes, I'll kill you.
Samantha: [somebody drew a crude drawing on Carrie's bus ad, so Samantha tries to comfort her] Nobody in New York notices a bus, unless it's about to hit them.
Charlotte: It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!
Carrie: [offscreen] The only thing harder than choosing a spot for your wedding when you hate weddings is choosing a wedding gift for your friend who hates weddings.
Charlotte: What about a guest book?
Carrie: There's gonna be like eight of us there. There's no one to keep track of. I can't believe Miranda is getting married.
Charlotte: [holds up heart shaped dish] This is pretty!
Samantha: Oh, she'll hate that. Too domestic.
Carrie: And too bridey.
Samantha: Yeah, let's try not to piss her off.
Charlotte: Maybe we should just buy her a stapler, wrap it in brown paper and just smear some dog poo on it! Think she'd be comfortable with that?
Carrie: Fine. We'll get the dish.
Charlotte: Oh my God! Vagina weights!
Samantha: Honey, my vagina waits for no man.
Carrie: We had left the world of black and white, and now everything was gray.
Carrie: [to Mr. Big] I'll see you Sunday night. Don't disappoint us. And by us, I mean you and me.
Carrie: I'm drunk. I'm drunk at *Vogue*!
[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime]
Charlotte: So far I've only had one great love - Trey.
[to Miranda]
Charlotte: How many great loves have you had?
Miranda: Zero.
Carrie: Really? What about Steve?
Miranda: Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.
Samantha: Well, I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.
Miranda: [to Carrie] You?
Carrie: I refuse to define love in those limited terms
Miranda: [laughing] I had to!
Charlotte: Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!
[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]
Carrie: One, two. And according to you, I'm done!
Charlotte: No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!
Carrie: No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o' shoes"
Miranda: [to shop assistant] No, I told you, no white, no ivory, nothing that says virginal. I have a child. The jig is up.
Carrie: [Miranda has just told Carrie that Steve wants to be exclusive, and that she's feeling conflicted about it] Uh-oh. Time for the ol' list.
Miranda: The list?
Carrie: Things you like about Steve, things you don't like about Steve. Then see which list is longer.
Miranda: That seems so judgmental.
Carrie: Miranda, you *are* judgmental. Try putting it to good use.
[Carrie and Charlotte are in the park]
Carrie: The Russian doesn't want to have kids. Had one a long time ago. He's done.
Charlotte: Well, then, "dosvidanya" or however you say it.
Carrie: What? No! For you maybe, but not for me.
Charlotte: Don't you want to have the option?
Carrie: Well, yes. But it's my experience that men like him don't come along that often.
Charlotte: But we're 38! These are the years.
Carrie: Yes, I know, I've heard. I'm running out of time. I don't even have time to eat this cookie.
Charlotte: How is it?
Carrie: It's so good I forgot to have children.
Carrie: That's my call, can you hang on?
Charlotte: [the doorbell rings] No, I can't. That's the locksmith. Bunny's back.
Mr. Big: How are things with that guy, Hot Dog?
Carrie: Berger.
Carrie: [on starting an all-male brothel industry] We should open one in every block, like Starbucks!
Samantha: Starfucks!
Carrie: [waiting with Mr. Winkle, the puppet dog, for her book reading to start] This book tour's tough.
Carrie: [Mr. Winkle continues to nod and pant. Carrie gives him a good look] That's a cute top.
Charlotte: What am I going to tell my kids? "Well, Mommy really wanted to get married so she asked Daddy and Daddy said "All righty.""
Carrie: The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.
Samantha: Wanna wrestle!
Miranda: Baptism is a very odd tradition. It's all about cleansing this little baby of its sins, when clearly babies come into the world with a clean slate and we're the ones who fuck 'em up.
Carrie: So you're a pessimist, right?
Miranda: Have we met?
Carrie: Here we are ladies, Atlantic City! Look around and breathe it all in!
Carrie: [breathes in] Ahhhhhh, I've missed this! Ahhh, yeah!
Samantha: You've been here before?
Carrie: I was referring to the cigarette smoke.
Samantha: Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me!
Carrie: Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.